The Keepers Athenaeum

As we lay there quiet
I was reminded of all the reasons why I lust you
Your smile,
and the way it teased at me seductively
Your laugh,
and the way it tempted me
Your eyes,
and the way they seem to hypnotize me
As we sat there silent
I was reminded of all the reasons why I love you
Your smile,
and the way it [...]

Everywhere I turn, I see you.
Everything I touch, I feel you.
These tears I shed to appease you
The blood I spill is to free you.
Free you from me, my impossible dreams,
These dreams I built for you and me.
You closed the door to your heart.
I kept mine locked inside a box.
Deep within myself it stayed,
Until I saw [...]

And so I’m here to say
That life is best with pain.
I wont forget the day that, that I found god
In a kitchen knife now, and on my arm
So paint the pale white floor way, with my red life
And now so much of this pain is,
The pain I love, as I swallow the pills of happiness
And [...]

You mean to destroy me
Driving me down and tearing at my flesh
Blow by blow you bring me to the point of death
only to loosen the grip you have on me long enough for me to recover
if ever so slightly
Your bloodlust for me is stifled only by your desire to see me suffer
Over and over I [...]

Mommy doesn”˜t have a head any more
Keep it underneath my bed on the floor
Well that”˜s alright, that”˜s OK
She never really used her head anyway
Daddy called me a silly bore
Bet he won”˜t say that any more
Because the way his body is severed too
His vocal chords are gonna be hard to use

a party to young to cosume and rot my breath, like all mothers friends
some of the most fun i had were nights full of drunk adults, high on life and everything else
hide and go seek till it was too dark to see
stuck in the top of a pine tree, whos that at the bottom? you [...]

bury me in a glass box
in a field of shattered glass
let the mourners gather in mass
let them look in disgust from above
let them point and laugh…
when theyve just about had their fill
their stomachs cramping
faces swollen from laughter
the tears stinging their skin,
ill flip the switch
and watch them fall…

god is an unattainable entity on earth,
but still, we fill our pipes and break our skin
to build that never ending staircase higher and higher, with every step
bringing us closer to god, with every hit
destroying who we are.
a never ending stair case
built to reach the heavens
comes crashing down, oh so close
time and time again…
hell is at [...]

these stupid reasons why
whatever they may be
to believe in what you want to
and to kill what pleases you.
dont look to me for hope
or answers
dont look to me for anything but
a corpse to dance with
side by side well dance
one last dance.
i can only give you my life
ill trade mine for yours
without thought
without hesitation
the barrier between us [...]

everything we have
we hold at arms length
and cast aside
for later use.
we turn our eyes
towards everything else
and our backs
on the ones we love
the ones who will always be there for us.
forever…

it seems that all throughout the day my heart is at my feet
the sun rises bringing with it a new dawn full of discovery…
for most a bright new day would lighten the load and lift the burden of a heavy heart, but not me,
my heart sinks with the rising of the sun.
only when the sun [...]

what ever happened
to those cold winter nights
right after the fall
when the air smelled different
and we laughed at it all
consumed by ourselves
whatever happened
to those broken white clouds
frantically running from the storm
they seemed so afraid then
you watched them with fear in your heart
praying silently you could be them
whatever happened
to me obsessing over you
please turn around to me
let [...]

For yellowdoorz
i see the frailty my future holds
i see the dust gathering on my shelves
holding the books
holding the pages
the story of my life gathering dust.
i see the frailty my future holds
i see it in the generation before mine
before theirs
before theirs
corpses rotting before death.
i see the frailty my future holds
i see myself looking back at my [...]

now what you see and
touch and
feel
its all an illusion
none of its real
life gone by watched
through a steel gate longing
to run with the wolves or
just once chase down and
eat anything that
moves
eventually gone mad crushed under the fact
that the gate only opens for
everyone else and when it opens for you
you become stretched thin on your tight leather [...]

this hollow feeling
this feeling of hopelessness
i balance suicide on a razor.
these feelings will be with me forever.
testament to the fact
that the world is weak
and i am strong.
testament that i am alive.
nobody knows this pain,
and if they did
they would buckle under the pressure
that i hold on a daily basis
that suffocates me in the darkness.
if you knew [...]